Spitfire
by Michael Paul Gonzalez

Broken glass drives through my right cheek scraping and chipping at my teeth. Swallowing blood, my shoulder is gone, just a wet useless mess. 10,000 feet and losing altitude.

This is how I’ll get to Heaven, one piece at a time.

The ocean pitches in front of me at an impossible angle, white
caps foaming, the peaceful view split by my stalled propeller and the screaming engine.

My left hand still works, not strong enough to keep me airborne, but enough to reach a pocket, enough to find you. Hear this, please hear this.

This braid in my hands, clutched as tight as I can to keep the flames away, to keep you pure, is my salvation. Your hair, still shockingly new and blonde. You’ll only know me as larger than life, infallible. Your mother’s, deep brown streaked with grey because she knows the real me. God willing you’ll grow to be the woman she is.

Three burning pops like a spear from God tear through the cockpit, and I watch my leg erupt like a lake in a hailstorm. It’s just a rodeo ride now, just eight seconds of holding on while the hits keep coming. I’ll never let you go. I never should have.

I read so many stories about moments like this, how your body just shuts down and sends you away to a peaceful place, keeps you from thinking about what’s actually happening. It’s not coming for me. I’ve lost enough speed now that the plane should be spinning, tumbling, making me pass out. But I’m not gonna get that luxury. Must be three seconds left, maybe four. A plane shoots by, not sure if it’s a Zero or one of ours, and I lock eyes with the pilot, nod. I don’t care whose side he’s on, I pray for him in this brief second. I want him to land, get back to America, Japan, wherever - home to his wife. Give her what I can’t give you.

What’s left of the cockpit explodes inward, and the fire from the engine pours over the manifold and surrounds me.

This, this is my penance. The arm I used to hold another woman close on the dance floor has been torn away. This cheek she caressed with deep ruby lips, shredded and crimson. These legs that were entwined by her thighs in the night, shattered. It’s all broken and cleansed, burned away. My heart was never hers. It’s not even mine. It’s always been yours, always.

Hear this. Please hear this and forgive me.

The flames close in, and I clutch your memory to my chest, bring your hair close to me and inhale your scent one last time before all is burning metal and leather and grease. I’m gonna land in Heaven burning alive, my last thoughts only of you.